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Chris Christie, Marco Rubio, Meet the Press, Paul Ryan, Rachel Maddow, Reince Priebus, Republican strategy meetings
Watching Meet the Press yesterday, I almost choked on my breakfast when I heard Paul Ryan say with a straight face, “Immigration is a good thing.”
Those GOP strategy meetings last week must have simply encouraged Republicans to start saying the opposite of everything they have said for the past 20 years or so. Not a bad political strategy in my opinion, but America already has a party for liberals.
The Republican Party also seems to be distancing itself from the fringe elements that have been dictating its wayward course. After all, does anyone believe that Sarah Palin’s “separation” from Fox News the day after the strategy meetings was a coincidence?
The re-branding of the GOP now has me wondering what might be next for America’s fast-sinking political ship. Here are some things we might be able to look forward to:
Instead of tax breaks for the wealthy to “encourage growth,” Republicans will consider a plan to pay down the national debt by levying a new slander tax on Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity every time one of them insults someone he disagrees with.
Instead of serving as a television surrogate for conservative Republicans, Ann Coulter will now be asked to do some community outreach in America’s Black Muslim communities.
Taking advantage of public outcry over gun violence, NRA-backed congressmen will now visit the grieving families of the 30,000 Americans killed by guns every year. They will be cancelling all campaign fundraising events in order to make time for this new duty.
Instead of cutting funding for public education, Republican congressmen and senators who attended public schools will now supply their former schools with pencils, paper, and other supplies directly from their offices in Washington. They will also be sending personalized thank you cards to the former teachers who helped enabled them to become such cunning individuals.
Instead of fighting to repeal the Affordable Care Act, Republicans will now revert to their original position on mandated health care as issued by the Heritage Foundation in 1989.
Instead of accusing the President of “not leading” in the turbulent revolutions of foreign countries, Republican politicians will now personally lead an armed resistance to fight against the likes of Bashir Al-Assad—right alongside members of Al-Queda.
In order to stop offending women with careless comments regarding rape and abortion, Republican leaders will be required to complete a sensitivity training course taught by Rachel Maddow.
Instead of simply parading out every minority representative of the Republican Party onto the stage at the Republican National Convention, Reince Priebus has suggested that his black and Hispanic colleagues invite their “amigos” and “homies” to add a little diversity to the delegates on the floor.
Instead of trying to limit access to voting among elderly and minority constituents, Republicans are proposing to offer free copies of Atlas Shrugged to anyone who would like to vote without government issued identification.
These are just a few of the solutions the GOP may be rolling out in the coming weeks, but if they prove to be successful, the 2016 ticket of Christie and Rubio can’t lose.
Barneysday said:
Nah, its still just an act on the Repubs part. They are not convinced they need to change, as seen by Ryan’s performance yesterday. They are throwing out the buzzwords for all of us to be impressed, like Jindahl’s “stop being the party of Stupid,” while he cuts taxes to the rich in his state and increases taxes on the poor. Nope, they still have an image problem, and I feel it won’t be until they are anhiliated in the 2014 elections that they will get serious about change.
Good post, though. Never hurts to dream!
J. Palmer said:
Thanks, Barney.
There are Republicans who provide me with occasional flashes of hope, like Christie and even the very conservative Lindsay Graham, but as a whole, they do appear to be “the party of stupid.”
Mark Moore - commentary on the gospel, baseball, and other stuff said:
J.
Funny post!
I wonder how the liberals will respond to the New GOP? If the GOP is morphing into a more liberal/less conservative party, then the liberals will have to…well…become more liberal. Hyper-liberals.
For instance:
Require, by law, government-mandated healthcare, even though it mandates citizens to contradict their moral conscious. But, let’s not stop there. In this party, people who have become useless to society and who have lived their life…lets go ahead and euthanize them. It’ll take a burden off of the healthcare system. Besides – let’s be realistic – in this society, if you’re not contributing, you’re expendable.
Same-Sex marriages are passe with liberals. With hyper-liberals, anything goes. Want to have a couple of wives? If you can think it, we’ll allow it.
Abortion. I thought we’d settled that. Had a night of passion that you regret? Broke up with your boyfriend? Career about to take off? No problem. The hyper-liberals understand that, golly, you just don’t want to be bothered by this. Hey, we’ll even pay for it. (It’s a good thing your mom didn’t have this option!)
Taxation is needed. We’re all in this together. It’s not right that someone doesn’t have as much as the person down the street. So, we’re going to tax the wealthy and give it away. Well…not actually give it away. Redistribute. Plus, we’ve got a lot of spending to do.
If you’re part of a union, we’re all for you. Because you deserve rights as a worker-bee. We want you to make more and more and more. But, don’t worry about the quality of your product.
The 2nd Amendment is a bit antiquated. As a matter of fact, the Constitution and Bill of Rights really needs to be re-written to fit, you know, our views. Since we know what best determines your pursuit of life, liberty and happiness., we can create something totally new.
You’re free to be religious (if you’re that ignorant) as long as your religious views don’t contradict anything we promote. Otherwise, you can’t participate in any government-sponsored event. When we do feign some sort of religiosity by having a prayer at, say, the inauguration, don’t bring your views with you. Otherwise, you can’t take part. Believe in anything you want, just don’t let it affect government policy.
As hyper-liberals, we respond to anything proposed by the New GOP by referring to them as the “party of stupid”. Because, after all, we are the enlightened ones, the ones who really know the truth, the ones who really know what’s best. After all, if you’re not hyper-liberal, you’re really not as intelligent or trendy as we are.
And one more thing. Once we’ve accomplished our goals and implemented our policies and are firmly without opposition, we’ll propose a name change to the United Socialist States of America.
And your rights or opinions won’t matter anymore.
J. Palmer said:
Touché, Mr. Moore! Well done.
John R. Ellison said:
Mr. Colin Powell just made your humor sink into the pit of my stomach. I may be a bible thumping, gun toting Bubba from south Georgia, but I see the swine in Washington caving under pressure. The republican party is not changing, they are selling out for votes. Jeff Foxworthy has the best summary of politico in America:
“If a Republican doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a Democrat doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a Republican doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels..
Democrats demand that those they don’t like be shut down.
If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.”
J. Palmer said:
Thanks for weighing in, John. I agree that the Republican Party is selling out for votes. Both parties are good at that–see Obama’s conveniently timed acceptance of homosexuality a few months before the election. Whether or not these examples of compromising on principles lead to real change is debatable. The groups that the politicians pander to typically want to see specific legislative measures, and that is often measurable change. What we will see soon with the new immigration proposal is both parties claiming credit in order to win/keep the Hispanic vote. I doubt the sell out of the GOP will even be worth it for them; they will probably just lose a lot of support from the Tea Party and other extreme conservatives.
Bubba said:
History has shown the last time amnesty was passed by the republicans they received less votes the next election than they receivedthe previous election. It is more important to hispanics to have a big “security blankent” aka hand outs than an efective immigration policy.
@Ellison, that is awesome
J. Palmer said:
Bubba:
Handouts always win votes. The Democrats tend to give theirs to the poor by way of the “security blankets” you mention, and Republicans give theirs to the wealthy in the way of tax breaks/corporate welfare.
It seems the Democrats strategy is a bit wiser considering there are more poor voters to please than rich ones.